choose your words with care August 8, 2009

preschool children are capable of understanding or at least interpreting what adults say. what may seem as a harmless comment made by an adult may result in undesirable consequences. for example, at a birthday party, a lady gushed,”Gosh! Your daughter is so pretty! Can I take a picture with her?” when she saw her friend’s 4-year old daughter with long curly hair, dressed in a frilly pink dress. the girl looked pretty much like a doll… very adorable. the comment was made in front of other children about the same age as the girl. some of them will probably come to think,”Why doesn’t she say that to me? She didn’t offer to take a picture with me. It must be important to be pretty.” so a harmless remark might actually affect a child’s self-esteem. it also teaches the child the values held important by society. from the example above, it seems that society gives great importance to some people but not others because of physical appearance.

i remember a dialogue said by one of the characters in the manga Fruits Basket:
They figured she was a child and that she wouldn’t understand what the adults were saying. How foolish! In actual fact, children are well aware of what adults say. At the very least, they can tell if those words were kind or malicious.
i believe there’s a truth in there. children are better at reading body language than we give them credit for. they know when their mom or dad is angry just by the looking at the adult’s actions. this is because children learn a lot through observing and imitating adults.

i’ve had incidences in class whereby children say things they don’t fully understand the meaning of. they just parrot them back after hearing an adult say it (the parroting may not be immediate). there were also times when these children get really upset when their peer mention that their drawing is not nice. experts even say that it is best not to hold any argument in front of the children as this will bring a negative impact in their lives. the child that sees his/her parents argue all the time will think that he/she is the cause of the arguments. all these show how words have to be chosen with care when talking in the presence of children.

no child is bad August 14, 2008

have you ever encountered a child whose behaviour you deem as naughty or bad? a child who throws a tantrum or cries in public. are they really bad? can we really blame them?

children are born not knowing anything. they are born to learn. we are the teachers. in fact, parents are the first teachers of a child… long before the child goes to school. the way a child behaves depends on several factors: 1) how the parents (and caretakers) treat the child and 2) how the parents treat other people are two of them.

a young child learns through observation. he watches your every movement, listens to your every word (especially the tone and volume of your voice) and learns. when he reaches a certain age, he will act the way he once saw you. then you wonder why he likes to shout. maybe he once saw you shouting at someone (perhaps in anger) and he thinks it to be a norm. it’s hard to control your action when you are angry but in the presence of a child, it is better to be more careful of what you say and do (even in anger). coz a child will, in one way or another, imitate you.

so what do you do if a child does something that you deem is “bad”? do you scold/shout at him? do you just keep quiet… thinking “he’s just a child, he doesn’t know anything. he’ll learn that it is wrong/bad when he’s older.” if you choose to do the latter, then you’re just going to spoil him. it’s true that he’s just a child. but if you don’t tell him that his actions are wrong/bad, how can he learn. since nobody ever pointed out to him that it is wrong/bad, he’ll end up thinking that it is right/good. so then is scolding the child a better course of action? depends on the situation and how it is done. if you were to scold/shout at him in public, then he might feel embarassed. he will also feel angry. who wouldn’t? after all, his “bad” actions might be due to a “good” reason. it’s just his inexperience that makes him act “bad”. so it is encouraged to talk to the child in private (especially those who has started developing linguistic ability and reasoning) and find out why he behaves the way he did. tell him that it is not proper to behave in such a way, describe to him the way you would like him to behave and then met out a punishment that is suitable for his actions. he has to know that a “bad” action has to be punished no matter how “good” the reason is. if he does something that pleases you, as a way of apology (or for any other reason or on any occasion), then you should commend his effort. make it a BIG thing. don’t just point out his undesirable behaviour. since “good” behaviour will usually go unnoticed, most children put on “naughty” or “bad” behaviour as a way of getting attention.